Sunday, February 8, 2009

What Not to Say

Please don't say "God knew what he was doing when he gave you and Kevin Lance. You two are so special and kind and you handle yourselves with such grace. He knows that I could never handle something like that".

Please don't say "You only have to believe and know it in your heart and your son will be healed".

Please don't say "It is not God's will that your son is disabled, He wants everyone healed and whole".

These have been comments made to my husband and I more than once. Having a loved one with a disability is not easy, in fact it is beyond what anyone can imagine.

If you don't know, our son Lance is disabled, you can read a little about him here.

My husband had a conversation with someone yesterday that brought all these thoughts back. Will you indulge me and let me address these comments here?

First of all, we are not anymore special than anyone else. Things just happen, we are in a fallen world and it can happen to anyone anytime. Whether it is through birth, illness or an accident, bad things happen to good people and you just do what you have to do, period. As far as being kind...believe me, there are days when I want to throw Lance out the window, I have no patience left and am tired, beyond tired and there is no kindness left in me. Also, you only see the "good" side of us while we are out, there are other times when grace is so not evident in our lives.

Next, I wish it were that easy, just to believe that it will be okay and it will happen. God is not a fairy godfather, I can't just wave a wand around and say or believe the right thing. If it this were true, don't you think that sick and broken people everywhere would be healed and walking in wholeness? I believe in miracles and have seen them in my life as well as others, but sometimes we aren't healed, what more can I say on that.

As far as it not being God's will, I don't have the answer, I just don't know. All I know is that He loves me and my family. He cries for my son because He loves him more than I do. He watched His own Son die, so I know He knows exactly what I am feeling, He has been there.

All I ask, is that you don't use cliches. If you feel you need to say something, offer to pray or just say "you are a blessing". Be real with me, and if you can't think of something to say, that's okay, a hug does wonders.

I am going to use this blog as my journal and will write more about the world of disabilities in the coming days. Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.


Donna's Book Nook said...

I have a grown son who also has been a heartache at times because of mental challenges. (He has been diagnosed bi-polar). Thank you for your comments; people may mean well but what they say is hurtful. I will continue to pray for you and your family. God bless you in your daily challenges. Donna

Life with Linda said...

Thank you for your wise words, Gina...I know that I appreciate having this information...for those of us who have not walked in your shoes, we are so often at a total loss as to how to encourage.

beckymc said...

My cyber hugs to you Gina. I will be here to listen and read when you need to get it all off your chest.